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Participating in an affair necessitates entering an altered state of consciousness where only part of reality can be processed, the part that has to do with pleasure.
It’s like being in a trance, complete with it’s own logic.
Intimate, but isolated You have a wonderful newfound closeness with this man that you may not have had for a very long time.
However, as time goes by he becomes one of the few people you can be intimate with because you cannot share what is most important for you in your life with most others.
But as things progress and the honeymoon period wears off you start to have questions, you bring them up to you lover, but most likely come away with answers that leave you only partially or not at all satisfied.
These questions have to do with what you mean to him, whether or not he will leave his wife for you, how he can justify cheating on his wife, whether or not he has done this before, or is cheating on you now.
Here is my version of her findings: Treasured, but used Being in love gives you the feeling that you are precious and treasured by him, but you cannot help but wonder…if it wasn’t for the sex, would he still want to be with me?
You may eventually be giving ultimatums, only to be put off or given false promises.
You may find yourself stood up when various situations arise with his family that prevent him from keeping dates.
Getting these answers become more and more important as you become more involved and then obsessed with your lover and realize that you are not as central to him as he is to you.
(I am using the term “the other woman” as a literary convenience because statistics show that married men have affairs more frequently than do married women.